What to do with my desires

Ok folks, we all have them. DESIRES. We all live for primarily something that ignites our spirit and soul. Whether its for the ideal partner in life, working in a career that's suits you,  having the cash to afford travel, spending quantity of time with your children and actively be involved in raising and training them.  Or who knows, maybe your main desire is to just shrug off other peoples expectations of you,  negative influences, and to set yourself free to be the beautiful authentic you. These are all worthy desires.
See if this doesn't  hit  home:

1                                                             5                                                     10
Reality---------------------------------------------------------------------->Desires


Once you clearly evaluate what your desires are, your faced with a painful dilemma. What do I do with these desires. Whether its from research findings or life experience, or intuition, the consensus is the same. We have 3 options.

1. Keep your desires elevated (don't settle for selling insurance if you get headaches going into work and your soul shrivels up). Or don't just date someone to avoid loneliness.  Easier said than done though isn't it when bills have to be paid and we desire intimacy.

• If this is your choice then your going to have to really work on yourself and get healthy so the gap between your reality and desires doesn't continue to beat you down into disillusionment
• Some practical methods, get connected to a healthy group of people and stay connected spiritually. Develop new social habits and personal growth ventures. Go back to school, get your freaking body in shape. Stop waiting till you feel like it. The options are endless.

2. Lower your desires or expectations. (Buddhism would recommend this, but I sure wouldn't).  This at least allows you to obtain some measure of satisfaction.

• If you choose this option, and most likely we all have along this journey toward Desires, then simply recognize what you have done so you don't blame others for not allowing you to choose number 1 above. This is probably where the majority of us live, learning to be content with what we have, yet that longing still exists to experience our true desires.

• A few practical methods for dealing with this choice: Be honest with yourself if your compromising on something that is crucial. Small compromises like working a job that isnt that interesting but pays well, might be totally fine, if it allows you to be with family or travel where you can seek fullfillment. However being a road warrior might not be wise  if after another school year you havent even done homework with your children.  Well the deal is, you get to decide where to make the choices based on your core values(so go take a core values assessment-do it now)

3. Medicate with whatever source of pleasure you can get your hands on.

• Just realize if you choose this option,  it puts you in control. It also can easily lead to addictive tendencies where your life now becomes a pursuit of arranging for your own satisfaction. Whether its relationship control, sex or substance addiction,  materialism, worshipping your career, intense adrenalin rush experiences, the underlying driving force is the same, to experience a form and intensity of pleasure that is missing in your current life. (Most of us have all been here in one form or another).

 So here is a treatment plan I suggest.

• Seek God, for He alone is the only being who will satisfy you permanently. Regardless of which of the 3 options you choose, God alone is worthy of worship (not your children or spouse or good deeds)
• If your not there, then your gonna have to seek it elsewhere. The problem with this approach is that everything else you seek is not stable or permanent. They will therefore come crashing down at some point, so just be prepared for it ahead of time.
• Set healthy goals and boundaries in life
• Boundaries are like those huge metal ropes on the golden gate bridge, except these boundary ropes can tighten to draw the two end points of reality and desires closer together

One method of setting up healthy goals is to take a simple assessment known as a wellness wheel. I recommend the comprehensive wheel developed by John W. Travis and Healthworld Online (2002).

Once you learn to see where your at, and how your reacting to life, then you can set some goals after having completed it. Lastly add some healthy boundaries. These will enable you to

• Keep unhealthy toxic people or influences out of your life. You have the power to lessen these peoples influence or energy drain from your life.
• Realize your strengths and mission in life, so you stop applying for those stupid jobs that bore you to death and ruin your level of wellness.
• Keep you from overcommitting to too many church or social functions which leave you and your family spent.

Engaging in the above activity can serve as a form of detox. Combine this with a nutritional detox(fruit and vegetable cleanse for example, along with organ specific cleanses, deep breathing and exercise cleansing(hot yoga for example), and reconnecting with God and your about to launch off into a new level of growth and health. 

Remember our disease care system is set up with biological health as the main concern and only path of treatment. However those of us who know better, realize that spiritual and emotional health are just as important determinants in biological health. In fact they are just as crucial as exercise or taking meds or eating healthy.

If you need assistance beyond simple self care, then enlist the help of a professional on your side. This could be a holistic health coach, personal fitness trainer, spiritual mentor (who lines up with your belief system) or even a licensed professional counselor. They can help you obtain breakthroughs you never thought were possible.


So here's to becoming the authentic beautiful you.

Have a powerful day.

Your coach

Eric Niles